Being an adult, a responsible adult, can get hectic. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to do everything that needs to get done, and as a woman it can become even harder as we spider web and go off on tangents, getting fixated and then forgetting to come back to what we were doing in the first place. There is always something to do you just wish your mom would still do for you, like your laundry, or making your lunch or cleaning your room...or paying your bills. I am finding lately I have been running ragged, and working almost every day with a commute of 40 minutes or more each way (which on another note leads me to wonder if moving to a more central location would be beneficial...which is another adult decision I don't really want to deal with but might have to) and not finding time to do day to day life tasks, like making phone calls (as in Canada...Ontario...we aren't suppose to be on the phone while driving...if only I could make all my phone calls in the car!), cleaning out my closet and fixing it as it broke over two months ago and I still haven't dealt with it, or trying to catch up with organizing my life and bills and just cleaning my gross bathroom! I am in a busy season of life as I am every year at the time and I know it will slow down, but this year I am finding it to be extra hard to keep on top if life with working as many hours as I do, driving all around for work and being involved in all the things I am involved with. And on top of it all I need to find time to get in God's face and spend time with him, which is my main priority in life and I do find if I do that first in my hectic, "grow up" day I have a much better day focused on what is important, but that still doesn't solve my issues of spending too much time in the car, spending too much money on gas and food as I am never home to make my own meals, or even the issue of finding time and motivation to clean out my fricken closet! It's a horrible cycle I can't seem to get on top of as when I am home all I want to do is relax and go to bed early so I can get up at 5:30am and not have to drink 10 extra large coffees in a day to just get through. To solve some of my issues with not having enough time I have taken myself out of some of the nightly activities I do, such as my ministry with youth through my church, but in doing that I have felt so guilty each week as the girls I once drove have no ride to get there, but I have prayed about it and gotten so much confirmation pulling out is what I am suppose to do I shouldn't feel guilty as I am not meant to be involved in that area at this time of my life. I was not being effective, I wasn't having the heart for it and every time I went I felt like a nagging mom, so I needed to pull out for a season or maybe indefinitely. So with that free evening you would think I would have time to clean my bathroom, change my kitty litter and deal with my closet, but last night I was so wiped from long days all this month I just crashed at 5:30pm and woke up at 8pm and after waking up I did some emails and marking, made some appointments and did some research I ran out of time and went to bed at 11pm to wake up at 5 to try and fit some time in the morning in to get more things done.
This life is all about people and living as Jesus would so even though I had so many things to do this morning and discovered I had 1st period off when another occasional teacher started to chat with me I just talked back to him. I put aside myself and gave him an ear to listen and hope in the smile I gave when he talked to me that there are kind people in the world. We ended up talking for almost the whole 1st period and after I remembered I hadn't read any scripture today so I opened up my bible app on my phone and it was already at Hebrews 4 so I just started to read there: "God's promise of entering his rest still stands, so we ought to tremble with fear that some of you might fail to experience it. (Hebrews 4:1 NLT)." I read these words and my heart sank, I have been so consumed in myself I have not trusted God to make a way. I don't have to worry about anything as he has it covered, if I am meant to move to a more central area for work he will make a way. As I seek him first he will give me rest, I found even though this morning I was feeling pressed in needed to do so much and not feeling I had enough time, taking time to talk to another person and take an interest in their life gave me so much peace it was like that was all I was created to do. My closet will still be broken and messy at the end of the day, my phone calls and emails will still be waiting for me to get to, and my kitty litter will still be gross, but I won't get another chance to interact with another human and show Christ's love if i don't stop and do it when I am presented with it. The "rest" of God is doing what he wants us to do, feeling totally at peace and knowing he will show you the way If you just trust him and seek him moment by moment in the day. God rested on the 7th day after he did all that work to create the earth for us, this shows us if we have our priorities right we will have peace and rest..and to take it! This doesn't solve my problems, but it gives me hope that it will all be worked out on God's time and the funds will be there to fill my gas tank and pay my bills and feed myself as I run all over Midwestern Ontario and I'll have the energy when I get home to do tasks I need to. I trust God, and I need to stop worrying as I'll miss out on his "rest". So if you find yourself run ramped, trying to fit it all in with all this stress and worry hanging over head read Hebrews 4 and let it speak to you as it totally slapped me in the face this morning to get my priorities in check.
