I am weak and proud of it...

Every January my wonderful church  starts the year off with a 21 day Fast. Fasting is a great biblical practice that I personally think should be done regularly in each believers life to refocus and achieve breakthrough in personal areas or in ministry. A regular time of pressing in and developing self control through Fasting and Prayer can take you to new levels in your relationship with Jesus, that is beyond our comprehension. I always look forward to January's time if Fasting and Prayer as it starts the year off with a good focus and renewal.

For me and my personal walk I felt God was asking me to go to new levels in fasting I haven't done before, and do a juice only fast. Transparency is the best policy so I will be frank and say that juicing hasn't been going well. I can go for hours and hours without eating solids but at the late evening hours after not having something warm and sustaining in my stomach I can not seem to shake the thoughts of the roasted chicken my parents had for dinner in the fridge upstairs or the frozen pizza's stacked in my freezer that were on sale and stocked up for future use just waiting to be baked, warm and gooy from the oven. Many times, more then I would like to admit, I have given into my flesh and ate solid foods that are Daniel Fast approved. I did decide early on that if I had to I would have a solid meal once a day as it is better to do that then fall off the wagon completely. However, even doing solid meals once in awhile I have been struggling in my fasting. You see I have been craving chocolate, which is truly a rarity as I don't usually unless my hormones are flaring and I know my Aunt Flo is due to visit in the near future. So alas I check my calendar and sure enough this whole fasting time is in the peek of my cycle and denying myself chocolate is becoming more and more difficult to the point I do give myself one small treat in the evening while I am winding down from the day. Does it make me feel better when I give in and have a treat? No..it doesn't, actually the chocolate tastes bitter in my mouth and I feel even worse for giving in.

This whole giving in and making excuses is really something we all struggle with while pressing in. But, lets look at the life of Jesus to help us understand why.

"Then Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan River. He was led by the Spirit in the wilderness,  where he was tempted by the devil for forty days. Jesus ate nothing all that time and became very hungry." (Luke 4:1, 2 NLT)

Jesus was fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. He was preparing to do the will of God the father and the devil got his knickers in a knot and upped his game. Jesus was tempted for 40 days by the devil. During his whole time of pressing in and fasting the enemy of our souls tempted the son of man. Not one day passed he wasn't tempted, but not a day passed that he did not give into his temptation. These feelings are things common to man. What Jesus went through while fasting is exactly what we go through while fasting, so it is no wonder fasting is hard! When we press in the enemy ups his game and tempts us more then if we were just going about our normal lives not working on brake throughs and going to new levels.

According to this verse the only reason we give into our temptation is because our fleshly desires are strong and our spirits are weak. But, we have the same power as Jesus to over come, The Holy Spirit! The same power that helped Jesus overcome and not I give in dwells inside us as believers, the exact same power, so I should be able to resist and not give into my flesh. So then why do I give in? Why can I not over come? Why do I dream of a house full if cheese and crusty warm bread and then give into my flesh and put feta on my salad, when I shouldn't even be having salad in the first place?!?!?!

Then I found this verse and it blew my mind!

"Each time he said,  “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. "(2 Corinthians 12:9, 10 NLT)

So maybe it isn't our weakness that makes us fail, but it is our own pride. Paul, in his letter to the church in Corinth, said that it was only by his weakness and lack of reliance on himself that he can overcome. Trying to do it by our strength and not fully relying and looking fully to God for help to overcome is when we fail. It is not by our might but by God's power that we even can come close to overcoming. I have found this true in my walk, as it is when I am not fully weak and pliable like potters clay is when I fall to my temptations.

Through this whole fast and personal growth time thus far God is teaching me trust and humility.  I can not under my own power stand strong against the temptations I face, but it is only through the renewing of my mind, full surrender and reliance on The Holy Spirit that I can overcome.

Each day, each moment, is a choice to do the right thing or give into my flesh. Some moments are utterly unbearable, but if I keep meditating on God's promises and choosing to flee from my temptations I will be successful in my fast and the things I am fasting about; for my break troughs in areas I am really struggling in, for my cousins salvation, for the missionaries I am praying for and supporting.

If I don't quit I win because Jesus has already won by His sacrifice. When I admit I am weak and can not do it alone is when my spirit becomes strong and I can overcome my flesh. It is proven! However, I am not Jesus, I am not perfect and it is by his grace and mercy alone that when and if I do fail from here on in I can pick myself back up and continue on in more humility and devotion to press in more. But, in the mean time I am going to hide my chocolate better, and give away my feta so it is more of an effort to actually fall off the preverbal wagon. I won't be likely to give into temptation as in reality it is more practical to physically distance yourself from temptation in the first place...but that is a whole other blog for another time.