Neglect...

oh Blog...how I have neglected you.

I haven't written in over a year. I haven't even looked at this blog in over a year, and like anything you neglect over time it gets forgotten, rundown, dusty, hollow, out of date and irrelevant...

I use to write what God was teaching me, knowledge and biblical revaluation and only that type of thing but I feel that doesn't fit my personality in the fullest way. My relationship with God and my faith in Jesus is all encompassing and touches every area of my life but there is so much more then just Bible study and theology. I have a life, and God has given me that life to live and grow and learn and experience. I want this blog to reflect my LIFE; my goals, my loves, my friends, my family, my church, my God, my experiences. I want this blog to be a place where I can freely express myself, my thoughts and share my life and what is going on and what I am experiencing.

There is so much more to me then my brain and incite and knowledge and I use to write about these things so people would think I was smart and on track and in the know. That is people pleasing, attention seeking behaviour. Yes, the blog entries that I wrote were pure and from my heart and I was excited to write about it, but then life moments would happen and I wanted to write about it but because it wasn't this big revelation I felt I couldn't. I miss writing...

So much life has happened and God has taught me so much, but because I felt this blog was only for one type of topic and got out of the habit of writing I didn't express myself in this way. I love to write! I love to express my thoughts into words and I have missed it. So I have decided that I need to write again and I am going to write about anything and everything going on in my life and I am not limiting myself to just things I learned in a time of personal devotion or revelation. I will most defiantly talk about God, about my faith, about my revelations and my incite on scripture, but I will also write about the everyday and my experiences. I also might write about a movie I saw or a book I read or some current event news I want to put my thoughts and input to; this blog will be my thoughts about everything, even about my cats!

Lets get to some updates dear readers! Over the past year or two since I wrote anything I moved to a different town, on my own in my own little apartment, and I have gotten engaged to my best friend, David! David and I are getting married August 15th of this year and I am so incredibly excited and humbled to be his wife. Moving out on my own again has given me so much experiences to see people in the eyes of Jesus and have amazing moments to be a light in the darkness in my adventures. I have had a desire to become more like the hands and feet of Jesus. I have also learned a new level of trust with God that exceeds my previous level with my finances and his gifts and prevision. My mind and heart are synced to Jesus and I am learning so much about His character and heart that I have this out pouring of actual actions and opportunities to act out these heart missions to love radically and serve people. Since getting engaged I have learned more about my selfishness, my weaknesses, my need for grace and mercy and my reliance on Jesus then ever before. The next step in my life of marriage is going to be exciting and I am incredibly happy and it's the only thing I have ever wanted in life, but it's also not all sunshine and roses, there are kinks in the system and becoming a team with my fiancé has been challenging and finding that balance of time with him and time for myself and time for God has been a struggle for me personally. I have neglected some aspects of my life as well since wedding planning and moving forward has consumed my time. I still read my bible and spend time with Jesus but it's more of a chore then it once was, it's something I put on the back burner and neglect more then I should. Jesus' voice is never far from my ears but sometimes I feel like He is a million miles away because I fail to reach out and touch his face when I have a moment (more then a moment...more like a week) of stress and fretting and trying to control something I can't. I have recently sat down and went over what in my life do I treasure and value and what in my life is just filler and obligation and when I was deciding what to keep and what to cut out a pang (what a fun word) in my heart told me to write again. "Amanda, you love to write, you love to express your incite and use your blog as an outlet of the expression...you need to write again". I heard this, I internalized it and decide I needed to write again, and write about everything and anything. I have changed, and what I write about needs to change, so dear reader I hope to not neglect this blog anymore and use it and express myself and my day to day life and challenges and revelations and blog about my experiences and challenges and moments.
I might not post something every day but then again I might, but once a week, no less then once a month (wedding planning and all) I will put something on here. I hope to make a habit of this again and look forward to doing so even if no one reads this except my #bffffflllllleeeee, my mom and future husband.

until next time
~a